Dignity Everywhere

Ever have one of those grocery visits that turns into something profound?

After publishing last week’s piece, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the ultimate point of it. Declaring for yourself as worthy of dignity. Then, I watched a documentary about Robert Downey Jr.’s father, Sr., which was the action of my ultimate point being played out. The dignity that was shown to a father who was very ill in his last months, weeks, then days of life, drove my thoughts about dignity even further into my soul.

After watching the film, I made a post on my personal Instagram story that said this:

Just watched Sr.

Damn.

So moving.

Makes you evaluate who would be there to care in your final days of life. And whoever you decide will be is more precious than anything on earth.

The rest?

Don’t waste another brain cell on how to make them value and love you.

And, then…I wasted some brain cells.

I reflected on the people that I truly believe only want a relationship with me that suits them. In other words, they’ll be around to receive my giving but once the giving is depleted, they’re out. If the relationship requires accountability or any reciprocation of giving, they’re out. If the relationship requires them to be less self-absorbed and considerate, they’re out. If they have to WORK on their own issues to have a better relationship with me (and others), they’re out. These are the people that love the idea of convenience in relationship. If it’s convenient for them to be with you, reach out to you, do something kind for you, then they’re your person. If it’s inconvenient?

Nope. They’re out.

I’m sure that, as you’re reading this, you can quickly visualize a person or a hundred that fits this description.

But, I guess that would be wasting some brain cells. I did advise against it but bear with me on that point.

I know that it seems very negative to highlight how much people can be hurtful but I’m starting to see it as a visual cue to create some distance from them. A waving red flag, if you will. It’s essential to insulate yourself (thanks babe, for that phrase) from this influence so as to protect your own dignity.

Before I meditated on and wrote this post, I had just experienced a few reminders of just how disposable I am to some. The “whos” and “whens” and “whyfors” are not important for this post except in the way that all of us discover this as we walk through life. We meet people. Some stay. Some must go. Some must change for the relationship to continue.

I know. I mentioned a grocery store and we haven’t even gotten to that part yet…but I will…I promise.

The hardest part of recognizing that you deserve to be treated with dignity is the discontinuing, pausing, and taking space from the faux relationships that you’ve had thus far. And this will create grief in your heart. Not only will you grieve what you thought the relationship was, but you’ll also grieve the loss of that relationship dynamic if you continue remaining in contact with the person. It will be changed now, based on your own self-declarative worth. If you do decide to discontinue a relationship, you still will grieve the loss of that person’s presence in your space.

I am told that it’s worth it. I’m still walking that part out. I’m not on the other side as I’m just freshly aware that I don’t have to accept being treated without dignity. If you are on the other side of that awareness and have made adjustments to reduce your exposure to people who were in a “self-beneficial” relationship with you, I’d love to know how you made it through the grief part.

After watching Sr. and making my post, I was still very observant of the post’s dignity theme leaking into real life. I went to the grocery store (told you I’d get to it!) to pick up a few things. It was packed and I started to get really grumpy because the shortest line was still ending on the furthermost part of a long soda aisle. I foolishly did not grab a cart so I was holding all of my items in my hands. Balancing 2 boxes of frozen treats on top of my crossed arms while my fingers gripped baggies of lunchmeat, I was mentally kicking myself for making poor decisions as a bead of sweat rolled down my back. A lady suddenly appeared behind me with a cart. She looked up the aisle, widened her eyes, and mumbled, “I still need gift cards.” I turned to her and we shared an annoyed expression at the state of our mutual trapped condition. I offered to manage her cart and to pull it forward in the line when it moved so she could run up and get gift cards. She gratefully accepted my offer and ran ahead. The line advanced about 5 spots before she returned, saying, “I needed to get these cards for my children, grandchildren, and ex-husband.”

Ex-husband?

I snorted, saying, “Well, THAT’S nice of you!”

She let me know that they have a great relationship now but it wasn’t always that way. He had been horrible to her. Abusive even. Did terrible things to her that ultimately led her to struggle with mental illness. She lost her job. They divorced. She had to get on disability for her mental health concerns. Her life really unraveled while she wrestled with the question of her self-worth and value. Ultimately, she went to the darkest path of thinking and believed she had no worth at all.

Until the day she had a sprititual epiphany deep within her that she was more valuable than she could even declare for herself. It came from within her, this knowledge. It was inherent. She just KNEW. What followed was, I imagine, a series of changes in the expecations that she had for how she would be treated. She would be treated with dignity because she knew she was worthy of it.

Now, her life is stable. She cherishes and spends time with her grown children, grandchildren, and yes, she has a good relationship with her ex-husband now. He helps her when she needs it, he’s kind to her. She has been able to get to a place of full forgiveness while he has made attempts to bring about restitution for the things that had happened between them.

She declared herself worthy of dignity and the evidence of her stance became manifest thereafter.

I coudn’t have asked for a better end to a week of soul diving about this topic. It was all around me: in my mind, spirit, body, in a movie, and in the form of a person who had no knowldege that I was processing this concept. The experience of this giant word “d-i-g-n-i-t-y” popping into my mind while lying in bed last week permeated the invisiible particles of energy, inviting me to see the applications of the word in such a beatiful, magical way.

It really was one of the most profound grocery trips I had ever gone on.

I’m grateful.