ILS Forever
Today marks a sad day. 7 years ago today, we lost my mamaw. As I’ve struggled with some recent reopening of past severe trauma, I reflected on the women that have lived before me. My mamaw was one of those women that crossed the threshold leading to the spiritual door of my mind. Her presence there was so visceral and I stood wondering how she was able to state such simple things that got you through one moment at a time. The smallest of joys were magnified in her voice when she spoke of them. “Ange,” she’d say, “I have a dollar. Let’s go to the store and get some Lemon Heads.” A dollar was all she had to help her get to a place of momentary happiness so that dollar is what she used.
Talk about working with what you have!
She would speak to that concept too. “Ange, you have to work with what tools you have,” she’d declare after I complained about not being able to afford a vacuum cleaner. Then, she’d grab the broom and sweep the carpet. Yes, she would SWEEP the carpet.
Or, if I wasn’t satisfied with how much work I DIDN’T get done, she’d tell me to give it, “…a lick and a promise.”
“Ange, it’s hot in here. Let’s go turn on the air conditioner in the car and cool off for just 10 minutes,” she’d demand as we sat, wiping our sweaty skin off with washcloths in front of a fan on a 95 degree day.
There was always a perspective she had to take you to a place of even temporary joy, relief, happiness, or…most importantly…HOPE.
Despite not having much money or personal belongings, she managed to grab a hold of whatever she had in front of her and turn it into a tool of rising above your sadness or pain. That’s such an amazing gift that I haven’t seen in so long. We rely on our phones, our cars, our status, or other material possessions to give us whatever we crave when what we really need is that perspective. That perspective of ANYTHING in front of you can elevate you out of your misery. And certainly, anything WITHIN you can aid you in successfully getting out of your own funk.
My own personal hyperfocus on what’s wrong with me, my relationships, my kids, my health, my mind, and my own past has come to roost in my soul lately. I reflect on how much I could use a call from her right now telling me to, “…do what’s conducive to good behavior.” Even though my heart sinks when I think of how long she’s been gone, my heart swells for being able to recall her words in these dark spaces and places.
I’m grateful that she walked this earth and shared her light with me and gave me her love freely and hugely. She wanted me to be okay and I’m going to be.
Even if it’s one moment at a time.
~Irene Lois Smith
On Earth: 11/2/1927-10/26/2014
In Our Memories:
Forever
