Life Review
This morning, I read an article about near-death experiences and the various theories that surround why the brain has a “life review” as reported by those who survived this phenomenon. The theories for why were interesting to me, of course, but what stuck with me were the descriptions of the life reviews that people reported. One seemed to find out his future as a famous saxophonist and others seemed to flash bulks of events in their past. Some reported both, the good and bad things. Others saw only the good things. But all of the flashes were significant events in their lives.
I asked myself what would my life review be? I personally hope that it won’t be that time my bandeau bra slid down my waist after jumping down from a tall gate while sneaking onto a football field with friends. Or, the time I nearly poisoned my mom as a kid because I left the cheese dip out all night then cleverly put it in the fridge at 4 am before she found out. Well, she found out after eating it that afternoon and getting terribly sick. Those memory flashes? Those would suck.
Like every human on earth, I’ve experienced both good and bad events. I wasn’t content with that alone though. I discovered that I haven’t really done anything super interesting. Sure, I’ve traveled to a few states. I’ve made wonderful friendships, had the pregnancy and subsequently gave birth to a very healthy, big baby. I’ve been in puppy love, fell out of puppy love, fell in love again, got married, and am still married. I’ve lost very special family members and friends as they departed this plane of existence. I’ve reflected on their life review in my grief. But that life review was from my perspective and not theirs.
Don’t get me wrong, these are all very important, life enriching experiences but what will my unique story be? What about yours?
It occurs to me that our unique story is what makes us tick. What motivates us to dig deep into our souls and moves us to a place that’s separate from the mundane. Is it what the movies show? The couple under the sheets (not in THAT way dirty bird!) with the sunlight streaming in from above the person’s tousled head giving them an angelic glow as their partner gazes lovingly at them? Would it be the achievements that one has made throughout their lives? Is it that special hike that one made to see the hidden waterfall….to travel so far and through rough terrain for that one spectacular view to sit and rest fully in? Is it something missing in your relationship that you yearn for that when you find that lost piece, it would cement a connection with them beyond any force that could break it?
It sounds to me like the life review depends on the person. The compilation seems like that proverbial Facebook or Instagram highlight reel that is so often mentioned. You might be familiar with the phraseology. It goes a little like this: “Don’t compare your life to the highlight reel that you see on social media.” But, that’s interesting to me because I wonder if those highlight reels are the preparatory “life reviews”? The slideshow of a person’s life, if you will.
So I decided to make a “life review” list along with my bucket list. Having a bucket list is a great way to sort out the things you want to do but the life review list is what you have already done. Ideally, your bucket list will turn into your life review list! But, it doesn’t always have to be so. Some of the best things that happen that are precious are things we certainly didn’t plan for. To be able to recognize those exact points of time is so significant. If I were to have a near-death experience and the stretch of my life flashes before me, I want it to be a good show dammit! Granted, I prefer not to have a near-death experience at all but imagining it does give me pause to consider my current life’s trajectory and perspective. I really don’t want that falling bra or puking mom to be part of the reel. Rather, I want visions of love, compassion, and beauty to flood my senses. Times of stillness, full presence, and sounds of nature to fill my brain and flood my emotions.
I began this post a few days ago and like many of the ideas I begin for my drafts, I meditate on the theme for a while before publishing. I’m glad I do this as events usually happen that teach me more than I hoped for. No, I didn’t have a near-death experience but I did have a few encounters that gave me fodder for this topic.
One in specific, this morning I walked around our garden to tend to the new blooms that we have. It was just before a storm. As I stopped at every rose bush, lavendar, lemon thyme, peppermint, and other various plants, I gave them a gentle rub with my index finger and thumb. This breaks open the molecular capsules that create the scent. Pausing and with closed eyes as I heard the birds chirping, I breathed in the fragrance of each blossom appreciating the sense of smell that I still have, in spite of broken ears and eyes. With full intentionality, I savored these moments.
Just like in movies and novels, right when I got to my last plant (the peppermint), I began to feel raindrops fall so I gathered my dogs and went into the She Shed. Shortly, the gentle rain turned into a shower with thunderstorms so I opened my windows and doors to hear the sounds of the skies contributing to the cause of life by replenishing everything we rely on to thrive.
This experience? Oh, it’s definitely making the list.
