Consistent at Being Inconsistent

So, I started with this blog hoping beyond hope I could be like one of those legendary consistent people who gain a following and are so inspirational. I planned to write once a week and stick with it. I told close friends and family that I’m going to “stick with it” this time like a coffee addict swearing that…“this is my last Starbucks Iced Salted Caramel Mocha, and that’s IT! (which is something I HAVE sworn to before)” Except, instead of dropping a habit, I’m trying pick one up.

Well, the reality is that I live an actual legendarily (is this a word? Whatever, I like it) hectic and crazy life full of strong characters with a soap opera level story line and fluctuating health conditions, the latest being a ruptured eardrum that literally spun me on my head (vertigo anyone?).

After a day of denying the fact that this will slow me down in ANY way, I totally crashed the second day. I spent the day sulking, wondering about the big questions and answering them with big solutions (I need to sell all my belongings, rent an RV, and visit all 50 states while I still have my moderately good health!). I researched my diagnosis, went to Facebook for advice (I was very obviously sprialling at this point!), and then sobbed into a throw pillow that smelled of my dog (GREAT! Something else I need to do!).

Today, I spoke with my even tempered sister and threw out a few analogies that were darkly humorous and she eventually asked me why I’m not writing. I whined back, “Because I’m not inspired!!!”

Well, that inspired me. So here I am on my muggy back porch before the rain starts. The birds are singing, the neighbor is trimming trees in the field, the dogs are waiting to get in a good bark from behind the sliding glass door that I corralled them in so I could have a moment’s peace.

I may not be consistent with my writing and for this, I’ve branded myself a failure. I’ve even blamed myself, other people, and events for being an obstacle keeping me from doing what I truly love to do. Once I sit with this a while, I realize that I’m living a full life. Stressful? Yes. Filled with people who drive me absolutely bonkers? Absolutely! Surprise health issues that I have to constantly adjust to and grieve about? Annoyingly, yes.

But, man…is it giving me GREAT material.

Maybe I’ll tell you about it in 3 months!